It's been three months since I returned to the US.
In that time I renewed my California ID and driver's license, opened a bank account, switched to a US cell phone, rediscovered my love of driving, wrote my very first article for the Livestrong website, signed a contract to write my second cookbook, wrote said cookbook, reconnected with friends and family (which has been so good for my soul), brought my three eldest kiddies to the US for a one-month vacation, and took them to get their US ID's. (They're here until July 5th.)
Not too bad for my first three months.
But still, I feel like I've failed completely.
You'd think that I'd have all my ducks in a row and my life somewhat together by now, but my duck's seem to have scattered off to play hide & seek while I'm barely holding myself together with tape and glue.
I still don't have a real job. I'm broke AF and I don't have a steady income coming in. Oh, and as of 9 o'clock this morning I no longer have a car. (Hope's godfather graciously lent me a spare Suburban he had lying around, but I had to give it back today.)
So... I'm right back where I started three months ago.
And what's even worse is that I've failed my babies. I hadn't really taken them anywhere because I didn't have the money. And now I really can't take them anywhere because I don't have a car. At least they had a good time the week they spent with their aunt, who even took them to Disney. (For that I am grateful!)
My spirit is broken and I feel defeated. But I'm not ready to give up. I can feel my fighting spirit bubbling deep within me.
I just don't know what my next step is going to be.
I am however giving up trying to figure it all out on my own, because I have no clue what I'm doing. So, I'm putting it all in God's hands and letting Jesus take the wheel.
Where this adventure leads, I have no idea, but we shall see.
When I read what you post I immediately get a sense of a very strong woman. I don't get the vibe that you are weak whatsoever! You got this Leslie. Whatever happened in your life to get you to where you are now, only God knows but you keep pushing and striving because you have always been full of life so don't ever lose that.ReplyDelete
Let Jesus take the wheel. Best thing you can do, Leslie. Stacey is right--you are a strong woman. Let's look at what you have accomplished--you are published--soon to be 2 books, something a lot of writers can only dream of (myself included!). "Para todos sale el sol, por más tarde que amenezca." (((HUGS)))ReplyDelete