Friday, June 1, 2012

The Half-Naked Housewife

My grandmother warned me that this day would come.  Back then, I was a know-it-all teenager who couldn't imagine ever doing something so potentially embarrassing, even if it was in the privacy of my own home. 
The Half-Naked Housewife-

This week, I've come to realize two things:
  1. Gramm was right about everything!  
  2. There's a reason why people say, "Never say never."  

I grew up in sunny southern California, where during the summertime the temperatures would rise to over 100F.   It was so hot, my mom would attempt to fry an egg on our sidewalk every summer just to prove that living in SoCal in the summer was like living on the surface of the sun.  I wasn't phased by the heat at all.  I wore tank tops and short-shorts and drank tall glasses of iced tea and frosty cans of Pepsi all day to stay cool.  Gramm on the other hand, hated the heat.  She started to sweat from the moment she got up at 6am and kept sweating until she fell asleep watching the nightly news at 10.

Because we had air conditioning and a fan in our little trailer, and because I rarely ever broke into a sweat, I didn't understand why Gramm was always sweating and thought it kind of gross.  All morning long, Gramm would splash her face with cold water and wrap a cold dish rag around her neck to try to cool down.   But by noon, she just couldn't take it anymore.  So...she'd rip off her blouse and continue to finish her housework in nothing but her bra and dress slacks.

I was absolutely mortified!  "Gramm, please put your shirt back on!  What if one of our neighbors sees you?  Or worse yet, what if one of my friends stop by for a visit?"  I was sure I would die of sheer embarrassment.

"Ay, m'ija!  This is my house.  I can walk around in my bra if I want to.  You're still young and don't understand these things.  But just wait until your a little older.  One day you'll be so hot that you won't even be able to wear clothes and will decide that cleaning house in your bra is the only way to stay cool."

Yeah, whatever!  I knew Gramm had no idea what she was talking about and I swore I'd NEVER do something that was sure to embarrass my kids, like clean the house in my bra.

Fast forward to some twenty years later...

May is the hottest month of the year here in Mexico.  I haven't stopped sweating since Mother's Day.   No amount of ice water is ever enough to quench my thirst or help me cool down.  And clothes just make it worse.  They're clingy and make me feel even more miserable.  Especially pants.   The only clothes I can tolerate are summer dresses.

This last week really has been one of the hottest.  EVER!   It's too hot to sleep.  Too hot to cook.  And too hot to clean.  But...someone has to do it.  (That someone being me.)  When it came time to mop the house, I couldn't take it anymore.  It was too hot.  I was drenched in sweat from head to toe and my dress was clinging to all the wrong places, making it extremely difficult to move around.  It was at that very moment that I knew there was only one way I was going to be able to get the job done.  I set aside my mop for just a second, and ripped my dress right off and then continued to mop my entire house in just my black lace bra and matching half slip.  And I didn't care if anyone saw me.

I felt glorious and free and kind of sexy all at the same time.  I was so happy to finally have found some kind of relief from the intense heat that I refused to put my dress back on until I finished cleaning up after lunch.

And I liked it so much that I'm already planning on doing the same thing tomorrow.  (If the heat continues.)

If Gramm could see me now, I'm sure she'd be laughing out loud saying, "I told you so, m'ija!"


  1. This is too funny! My mom used to and I am sure she still does this. I live in southern California so I know exactly what your talking about. We have yet to experience summer heat but I am sure I will be down to my bra by late June.

  2. why do you think we are almost completely NUDE in our house, especially me

  3. LOL! Sometimes you just have to put aside the things that are confining you and keeping you from getting the job done.... even if it is your clothes! LOL Love this post! Found you on SITSGIRLS Saturday Share Fest

  4. LOVE it! Good thing the UPS man didn't pop in! Would have made his day. And honey, I hate to say it, but just wait until the whole perimenopause thing kicks in! Then you'll REALLY sympathize with poor Gramm.

  5. Hilarious! Great post and thanks for sharing. Your description so vivid I can see it - oh my!

  6. I am glad that you are writing again. I don't comment that often, but I enjoy your posts. My mama, by the way, did the same thing in S. Louisiana. Slacks and a bra. And I was horrified, too.