The Saddest Day

I can't sleep.  My heart is too heavy, even though it feels like it has shattered into a million little pieces.

My grandmother passed away this morning.  She would have been 95 next month.

It hurts so much.

My grandmother was so much more to me than just a grandma.  She was my mother.  She raised me off and on until I was about 7 or 8 years old.  Then full time just months before my 11th birthday.

She was my best friend.  My confidante.  She was the one to sing to me when I couldn't sleep.  She was the one who made me teas when my tummy hurt.  And with her magic words, she healed all of my scrapes and bruises.  Sana, sana, colita de rana...

Part of me wishes she were here now to heal my broken heart.  But this is a wound that only time can heal.

Right now, I'm in stunned silence.  I don't think I've spoken more than a dozen words all day since I learned of her passing.  It's not that I don't want to speak, I just can't.

When I was about 15, my grandmother purchased a funeral plan.  For weeks, she planned her funeral,  picked out a casket, even going so far as to trying them out.  I in turn, was mortified and didn't understand how she could talk about death and her funeral like it something so completely normal.

"Don't be sad, mija.  When I die, it will be because I've gone home to be with the Lord.  I'm going to be so happy when that day comes.  So, don't cry.  Don't wear black.  Be happy for me.  Be happy for you.  And continue to live your life.  Don't stop just because I'm no longer here."

Easier said than done.

Even knowing Gramm's wishes, I ache.  Everything reminds me of her.   And I remember every single thing about her, down to her favorite flower: carnations.

I realize how incredibly lucky and blessed I was to have been raised by my grandmother.  She was a remarkable woman.  And her memory will always live on.

I love you, Gramm.


Anita B. Enriquez
January 12, 1917 - December 9, 2011
Descanse en Paz



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28 comments

  1. Eternal Rest for her and may peace be with you an your family. I know the loss is hard, our prayers are with you during your time of sorrow.

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  2. Sending you hugs my friend!!
    Chantel

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  3. May she rest in peace. Sorry for your loss.

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  4. a remarkable woman and a real beauty both inside and out-her inner beauty shines through her eyes. i hardly knew my grandparents since we left cuba when i was a little girl, but i know she was a mother to you and losing her is very hard. my thoughts and prayers are with you, and as you said, only time will heal the pain.
    God bless you!
    teresa in nagoya

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  5. Leslis, nothing I say will change your loss.  Just know that my heart breaks for you.  I hope you can find peace soon.  Your grandma seems to have been a wonderful person.  I'm so sorry!

    Sending lots of love down the non-existent road. 

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  6. Leslie, I am thinking of you and your family at this difficult time. I pray that God fills your heart w/ peace, love, and wonderful memories of your grandmother. 

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss, Leslie.  Wrapping you in a big hug from afar...

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  8. Oh Leslie, I am so sorry you are hurting so as you are. Your Grandma was right though in saying that she would be happy because she is with the Lord. Bring all your beautiful memories of her to the forefront and she will be at your side. My condolences and January 12 is my birthday also. Although I know it doesn't seem proper to say Happy Holidays right at this moment, I wish you happiness and peace in the days to come. ::hugs::

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  9. So sorry for your loss of your beloved Grandmother. She sounds like an amazing and beautiful person who loves you so much. Remember her love for you continues. May she rest in Peace with our Lord.

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  10. Im so sorry Leslie, she sounds like a wonderful woman. How lucky for you that you spent so much time with her when you were younger and I am sure she taught you so many wonderful things that you are now teahing your kids. My thoughts and prayers are going out to you amiga. ((hugs))

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  11. What a beautiful lady.  I am so sorry Leslie.  My thoughts are with you.

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  12. I'm so sorry, Leslie. Wish I could be there to give you a big hug in person. What an amazing woman ... wise and beautiful. She raised you well, Amiga. 

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  13. Leslie I am here in tears, I can understand the pain and sadness. Do as she say, there is no need to cry because she is in a better place. You would make her proud and happy by doing the best for yourself and following her good examples. I am so sorry for your lost. Hugs

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  14. I'm so sorry for your loss.  She will always be with you in your heart.

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  15. I know she was loved. She was beautiful. And she is loved and beautiful in heaven, too. I miss my grandmother. She didn't raise me, but I mourn her passing often. May God grant you peace and comfort, Leslie.

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  16. Leslie,
    Your grandma sounds like a wonderful lady and I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope with time you will find peace and comfort knowing she is finally home and one day you guys will see each other again. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers!

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  17. May she rest in peace and you are in our prayers. So sorry for your loss.

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  18. I am so very sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing woman. Thinking of you and sending you many hugs.

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  19. Leslie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  Your Grandmother was so special, thank you for sharing your memories of her with us.  I will pray that God gives you his peace during this difficult time.

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  20. I'm so sorry for your loss, Leslie. May the Lord comfort you in this time of need.

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  21. I'm so sorry, Leslie. Ojalá she is now watching over you in a different way.

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  22. Leslie, my condolences to you and your family.

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  23. Leslie, 
    I am thinking of you and sending hugs your way.  I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better but I know that is just not possible.  Your Grandmother was a beautiful lady and I have always enjoyed reading your posts about her.
    Nikki

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  24. Amiga, My heart breaks for you I know the feeling all to well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! 

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  25. My condolences.

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  26. My heart is heavy for you and your immeasurable loss!  peace, my friend.

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  27. So so sorry. She sounds like an amazing woman. 
    Thinking of you and your family and sending nothing but good thoughts. 

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